Do you ever have one of those days? A day where you feel like you are just failing in areas you do not want to? A day that is emotionally draining and you are just exhausted? I had one today. This post is not meant to be a whine fest but just to keep it real and document my feelings so I can look back on this time in a few years and see how far I've come. I usually try to keep the blog pretty positive but we all have challenging times right?
Becoming a mother of two has rocked my world. It's harder than I thought it would be. I feel stretched so thin and that I am being pulled in so many directions that I don't know which way to go. Some days I feel like I can't handle it all. Some days I feel like I am not being the kind of mom I want to be. I feel like I'm not being the kind of wife I want to be. I feel overwhelmed almost daily. I feel guilty that I can't give Julianne the kind of attention that I used to because there are now two little girls who need their mommy. I'm sure this is worse right now because Claire is so little and needs more of my attention than Julianne does. I lose my patience so much more easily lately. I hate that I am so exhausted by the end of the day that my mood is not good. I hate that I want to work out so bad every day to lose the last pounds of this baby weight and fit into my clothes again but most days can't find the time and by the time I do find time, I'm to tired to do it and just want to go to bed. I hate that I haven't hung one picture of Claire in our house yet. I hate that I haven't even started on her baby book.
I know that every big change in life has an adjustment period and I have to get used to my new normal. I know that things will get better when I can get Claire on a regular schedule during the day (she's getting there). I am thankful that Claire is sleeping through the night already. If I was still getting up 2-3 times a night I think I would be in a complete fog. I am thankful that Julianne is able to entertain herself fairly easily by reading books and playing. I am thankful that Julianne loves Claire and does not seem to be jealous at all.
I have bad days but there are also days where I feel like I have it together and that I am getting the hang of this mommy of two gig. I pray those days become more frequent. For now, I need to realize that no one is perfect and I'm doing the best I can. I need to let some things go and these girls are teaching me that there are way more important things in life than having a clean house all the time, having the laundry done, having all the papers off of your desk, and everything in it's place. They are what is important. Shaun is what is important. As long as they are happy, I am happy. And all that has to happen when I am having a bad day is to see these two smiling faces. It makes everything worth it. I am blessed beyond measure.